5 Signs a SPIRITUAL LEADER Lacks INTEGRITY
When you’re healing and learning self-trust, it can be hard to tell who’s trustworthy. Especially in spirituality, it’s important not to give your power away to an outside authority, but instead to team up with people who support your autonomy and lead from values aligned with yours.
Here are five sometimes-subtle signs a spiritual leader isn’t rooted in integrity.
#1. They’re inconsistent.
I always and immediately look to whether or not a person’s value system is something they wear on their sleeve. As a queer Jewish woman, I care about social justice. I care about the state of the world, the well-being of marginalized groups, the evolution of our culture toward greater diversity and allowance of every individual to be who they are regardless of sex, gender, race, etc.
A red flag for me is when a person in a position of leadership refuses to “be political”. When in one breath they can speak to the importance of their own integrity, and with the next spiritually bypass a real problem in the world. That might look like hearing them say “Racism seems like such a big problem to you because you’re always talking about it.” Or “Maybe you’re sick because you like the attention, and you don’t know who you are if you aren’t ‘the sick person.’”
They may speak about healing the world, “being in alignment to magnetically attract your best life,” and peace and love to all beings. But their supposed values don’t shine through their words and presentation. It’s like they’re flat and lifeless, only living in the words they say but not in the meaning and impact of them.
#2. They undermine your knowing.
A client and friend came to me in 2021 and told me about a friendship she’d recently developed with a psychic. We’ll call her Karen. Karen consistently offered “psychic” information about everything in my friend’s life. Their conversations became more and more about my friend’s decisions, what was in her future, how things would turn out, that Karen had essentially convinced her that she must be consulted for everything. My friend was feeling high anxiety and even fear about the future and her own ability to make decisions and take new steps.
A spiritual guide should never, ever make you feel this way. They should help you to grow and strengthen your self-trust and the connection to your inner voice. They will respect your decisions and who you are in the world. They will prove that you can trust them rather than demand that you do so.
#3. They’re never wrong- and everything they share about their personal life is perfect.
Did you know that elephant herds follow a female leader? She is the alpha, the matriarch. And she leads skillfully, for the well-being of the entire group.
In our culture, leadership is often confused with popularity. With being seen, known, and heard. This can be especially true in pop-spiritual culture.
Everyone has an ego self. And this part of you can want to present only its best face to others, hiding any imperfections. A leader doesn’t have to share everything about their personal life, or even much detail at all. But what they do need to do is show their humanity, be willing to admit mistakes and take responsibility, and acknowledge their limitations and growth edges.
This helps the leader to stay connected with themselves, to maintain awareness of their ego and to stay grounded and centered. It creates true connection with the people that follow their work. They can teach and lead by example, walking alongside others rather than standing before them as a sage.
Don’t listen to how far they’ve come. Pay attention to their current willingness to grow, for the well-being of themselves and the group they serve.
#4. They don’t admit what they don’t know.
Especially when it comes to readers and healers, it’s important to witness their humility. Do they insist they can answer any question, or be the authority on your decisions? Do they pretend more education than they have, advising on areas outside of their expertise? Are you hearing that you *must* follow a certain pathway, design, or protocol?
Or are they working with you as a team, clearly connecting with Spirit or working in a way that is for your highest good, rather than for their own appearance of being all-knowing or all-healing?
As much as I believe in the commonalities of the human journey, I also believe we cannot fully understand one another. We can try. We can learn, and connect to each other. But my journey will be different from yours. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. It’s a capitalistic game when pop-spirituality has you believing that if you simply do x you will get y. It’s a hierarchical culture that encourages spiritual leaders to present themselves as all-knowing, all-problem-solving magic-makers instead of as humans.
#5. They love bomb you when they fear you’re seeing past their facade.
A big one I borrowed from psychology around experiencing narcissistic abuse (or f√©kboys), this is when attention, affection, and admiration come your way suddenly and intensely. Especially when it arrives after mistreatment or a slight against you. It manifests as an attempt to pull you closer, gain trust or to return the attention, affection, and admiration back to it’s path of flowing from you to them.
Love bombing is actually part of a pattern of abuse. In this case, it’s abuse of power. Spiritual leaders who manipulate to keep you close, following, or believing in them (especially over yourself) are abusing their power.
Remember: whoever you go to for guidance and support in life, the person you most need to trust within this dynamic is yourself.
Are the spiritual leaders in your life influencing and guiding with strong values that serve the greater good? Are they respectful of personal autonomy? Do they support your unique path and inner knowing?
Spiritual guidance is meant to help you cultivate trust in yourself and in life. To help you grow as a person.
Seek out guides and supporters that know you are the true authority on your life.
— Tara
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